It is a sad and aggravating story about a woman that adopted a baby that turned out to be intersex. Not that big of a deal on the surface right. Well not quite so fast. The doctor wanted to do invasive surgery to “FIX” the child and the mother told the doctor not to do any surgery at all. Later, after the mother had taken the baby home, the doctor called her and told her that the baby’s single testicle may become cancerous and they should do a biopsy to make sure. The doctor CLEARLY went against the mother’s wishes and removed the testicle trying to turn the child into a girl. UGGGGGGGG. PLEASE WATCH THIS VIDEO. I feel that it is very important that everyone watches the video and if you can please pass it on to others.
Why is it so important? Have you heard of Alice Dreger? To quote TSRoadmap, “Dreger is the J. Michael Bailey of the intersex community: someone whose trade is writing and speaking about controversies surrounding marginalized populations.” Read this and maybe you’ll understand. Anyways, its people like this that give make this world so difficult for the intersex and transgender communities. Ugggg. I also believe its attitudes like this “I know better than you” that give doctors like the one in the story above the attidude that they can do anything they want. What do you think?
I said I would keep it short, so I’ll say good night for now. Thanks for listening.
Michelle

Today I noticed Alex had posted about Ted Haggard’s appearance on the Oprah Show. I like the way she doesn’t take the “He’s just a hypocrite” stance that so many other LGBTQ bloggers have. I like the way she can understand why he says the things he does. I like the way that she clearly makes the point that Haggard and his family could resolve the situation without losing their faith – that it’s the rules of their particular religion that prevents them from doing so right now.

And most of all, I like her last four paragraphs which demonstrate an insight that I’ve not seen expressed anywhere else. Anyone in a relationship in which one partner realizes their sexual or gender identity differs from the one they originally presented to their partner can learn from this, especially if they also have a strong religious faith.

As I commented on the post, the sad thing is that neither Haggard nor his wife are likely to ever read Alexandra’s words.

I know I haven’t written in a while. Life seems to have gotten really busy as of late. It’s not that I haven’t had anything to say, in fact I imagine the next week or so will probably result in a flurry of posts as I get out thoughts on things I have been experiencing, and I work on my end of year post.

Right now, I want to, I need to, take a moment to talk about Jennifer Gale. For many of you, this may not be a name you recognize. I did not know her name until last week when word of her passing was announced. Who was Jennifer Gale? She was a transgender woman who was a local figure here in Austin. She ran for several different offices in here in Austin and Texas, such as Mayor of Austin, Austin School Board, Mayor of Dallas, and numerous other positions. It seems that any ballot in Austin was not complete without her. She spoke frequently before boards and commissions here in Austin. While others said,”Keep Austin Weird,” She said,”Keep Austin, Austin.” She understood that what made Austin unique and special was worth preserving and fighting for. She was a Marine, and she was homeless.

Jennifer Gale died in front of a church here in Austin, sleeping on the street on a very, very cold night. She was discovered around 6am on December 17th; paramedics were called, but she could not be saved. Those words, “She could not be saved” strike me. She could have been saved. She could have been saved if there were shelters and resources that did not discriminate against her for being transgender. Shelter space for women in Austin is very limited, and nonexistent if you are a transgender woman. She slept on the streets because there was nowhere else for her to sleep. She died on the streets because there were no resources that were willing to help her. Organizations like the Salvation Army rejected her because she was trans, because her gender identity did not conform to their religious beliefs.

This last Sunday morning, in the bitter cold, not unlike the weather the night she passed, we gathered to remember Jennifer. People from all walks of life gathered, the transgender community, the homeless, activists, politicians, and ordinary people who were touched by her story. We gathered to not only remember her, but to make a commitment, a commitment to not allow more trans people die on the street because we did not try to do something. There seemed to finally be an acknowledgment that more has to be done here in Austin. Over 130 homeless people have died in the street this year in Austin. Jennifer was not the only one, she faced some of the same challenges, but her struggle to find shelter was made more difficult because she chose to live true to who she was.

City leaders and many other speakers acknowledged that more can be done to make services more accessible to the transgender community. There was an acknowledgment that the city council has a lot of work to do in this area. Many people on Sunday expressed their own culpability in Jennifer’s death. Those same people made commitments which had not been made before, commitments to begin a real dialogue around these issues here in Austin. But, these are not uniquely Austin issues. All around the country, trans people struggle to get off the street as they are repeatedly turned away from services that are not equipped to help them or simply not willing to help them. Does your city have trans-friendly homeless shelters and programs? Where are transwomen told to sleep and bathe, in the mens’ shelters just because they have not had surgery? Is there something you can do in your own community to bring up these issues and start a discussion?

I’d like to close this heavy discussion with a bright spot in Jennifer’s passing. The local media coverage was unlike any I have seen since coming out as trans. Not once were pronouns wrong. In many stories her transgender status was not even mentioned. Not once was transgender, transsexual, crossdresser, transvestite, or other other such terms used as part of the byline or title. The story was reported, most of the time, about a woman named Jennifer Gale. These stories were about the passing of a person and her contribution to the City of Austin and the State of Texas. There was no sensationalism. It was refreshing to see this kind of coverage, coverage that honored the person, not their gender status. As you gather this holiday season with friends and family, I ask one thing of you, I ask you to remember Jennifer Gale. I did not know her, but there are many more people like her living on the streets. Just as they did not choose to be trans, they did not chose to sleep on the streets, rather they do so because no shelters will take them.

I have a few very important things (I feel they are at least) to discuss. I would like to bring to your attention of a few new regulations that have been put forth that could have some very disturbing realities for transgender people (Heck, the whole LGBT community for that matter).  I’m on the mailing list of the National Center for Transgender Equality news and this week they sent out two emails alerting me of some new regulations that affect us.  (Both emails are currently available on NCTE’s news page.)  Here’s the first one:

December 11, 2008
Dear Friends,

I wanted to make you aware of some changes to the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) that could impact the lives of transgender people.  The FMLA was enacted in 1993 to ensure that employees would be able to take unpaid leave from work in certain circumstances related to medical care for them or their families.  The emphasis on medical privacy in the original FMLA is especially vital for transgender people.

However, on November 17, 2008, the Department of Labor published final regulations for the FMLA that erode medical privacy and could have long-lasting adverse effects on transgender people when they take effect as planned on January 16, 2009.  These new regulations appear to be part of the Bush Administration’s final effort to enshrine ideologically driven policies in advance of the Obama Administration taking office.

IMPACT OF THE NEW REGULATIONS

The new regulations reveal private medical information and could subject transgender people to harassment and discrimination.

• Unlike the current policy, the new policy requires doctors to list their specialization as well as medical facts relating to the employee’s condition on the medical certification form given to one’s employer.  A person’s transgender status could be revealed, requiring the individual to choose between a job and important medical care related to transition.

• The new regulations allow the employer to contact the employee’s health care provider to authenticate the medical certification, as long as the employer representative making that contact is not the employee’s direct supervisor.

The new regulations allow employers, not doctors, to determine whether an employee has a serious health condition that would make them eligible for unpaid leave.

• Because the recovery times for transition-related surgery and treatment are often extensive, it is extremely important that employees be allowed to take leave when doctors say it is warranted, regardless of whether employers believe the time off is medically necessary.

Family members may have to reveal the transgender status of their partners, children, or relatives to receive leave.

• A family member who is trying to take FMLA leave to care for their partner, child, or relative may be subjected to increased harassment and discrimination, and the family member’s FMLA claim may be denied.

Over the next few months, we will continue to update you about the work NCTE is doing to protect your medical privacy. In the meantime, we urge you to contact your Members of Congress to encourage them to expand FMLA and to encourage them to work with the Obama Administration to repeal these harmful regulations.

Sincerely,

Mara Keisling
Executive Director
NCTE

And the second email:

December 18, 2008
Dear Friends,

We had no idea yesterday when we sent you word of the impending new regulations around the Federal Medical Leave Act (FMLA) that they would be merely the second worse [sic] regulations to tell you about this week.  Then today, the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) released what can only be described as breathtakingly immoral regulations that could prevent transgender people from getting any health care whatsoever.  In their press release, DHHS said that the “Provider Conscience” rule ensures “the right of federally-funded healthcare providers to decline to participate in services to [which] they object.”

What the press release does not say is that if this is allowed to go into effect in January, transgender people, already struggling for healthcare access, could be turned away by any medical provider who feels that transgender status is against their moral, religious, or even personal beliefs.

IMPACT OF THE NEW REGULATIONS

In essence, any person who works in a hospital or other health care facility, including medial technicians, pharmacists, and janitors, would not have to perform their jobs if doing so would offend their beliefs.

While this regulation would have profound effect on everyone’s access to healthcare, transgender people could potentially be denied care at overwhelming rates, even for preventive care or emergency medical treatment.

Although we wanted to make you aware of the “Provider Conscience” regulations, we want you to know that they are not scheduled to take effect until January 18, 2009 and healthcare facilities have until October 1, 2009 to comply.  You should not in any way be afraid of seeking health care at this point; not only are the rules not in effect yet, but most healthcare providers will continue to treat transpeople appropriately despite the prejudices of the very few who support these new regulations.

You should know that NCTE is working with numerous organizations to advocate that the incoming Obama Administration and members of Congress repeal this immoral policy.

We will continue to provide you with updates about he work NCTE is doing to stop these regulations from being implemented. Meanwhile, you can draw attention to the outrageousness of this rule by calling your members of Congress as well as encouraging the incoming administration to repeal it before it is even implemented.

Thank you for your continued support,

Mara Keisling
Executive Director
NCTE

Now, it disturbs me that a president (How much longer do we have to wait ’til he’s out of here? Ugh) would have the gall to strip off the protections of so many Americans. It also disturbs me that a president can be swayed so strongly by the religious right (or any radical group for that matter) and have Congress just sit back and watch this crap happen. Government is supposed to protect their citizens and yet this administration has done everything it could to strip protections from minorities everywhere. What’s going to happen if a trans person is turned away from emergency care and is thrown out of a hospital and dies on their door step? I guess with these new regulations – nothing. There is something totally wrong with this picture. What will happen when the first African-American is turned away in by some bigoted southern doctor and dies on his/her door step?  How about this, what if a atheist turns away services to a Christian because of their beliefs? I will bet that the atheist will have the police there at his/her door step quicker than you could count to 3. The protections were there for a reason. To protect everyone and not just a select few. But I guess coming from this administration, it is nothing new.

I have the same comments on the new regulations for the FMLA. There is so much that could go wrong with this new regulation that it really bothers me. What ever happened to privacy rights? This could lead to so many discrimination problems that it’s ridiculous. It is no business of the employer what the employee went to the doctor for. I could see someone with some sickness being afraid to go to the doctor now, afraid of being fired because of some diagnosis. Hell, I bet you could find an employer that would fire someone just because they were diagnosed with depression. There are some diseases or sicknesses that are very personal to people and should be kept private and some that if left untreated could be deadly. These new regulations have such far reaching consequences that I’m really beginning to worry about our nation of ours. What do you think?

Michelle Lee

As many of you know that follow my blogs, I’ve talked about the support I’ve had from my kids and wife on my transition. Well, a while back I had asked my son if he would mind writing something from his own perspective on the news of me being transgender. He told me that he would not have a problem at all doing that. I explained that there are many views on this topic and I would like to share his view. So without me getting long winded I hand over the podium to my son Ryan.

When my father first asked me to write this, I was rather uneasy as to why something like this was necessary. Why should I need to write how I feel about my own father? Then I realized how selfish that sounds, but I also came to realize though, that I was uneasy not because I did not want to tell my father how I felt about him. Rather, I found it sad that because of the society we currently live in, people need reassurance from their own family about who they truly are. Have we gone so far as to have people hide and feel uneasy about their natural identity?

I want you to know Dad that nothing has changed the way I feel about you. If anything, I am happier for you, seeing that your life is really starting to fall in place, and that you are truly searching for happiness in the face of the whole world telling you otherwise. It takes a lot of emotional strength to do something like that, something the average person would rather not do. Its why we see masses of people conforming to such close minded ways of thinking, to the point where what is right and what is wrong is dictated to us by another, and that we are out of place to say otherwise. But not you Dad, you believe in what you stand for and you don’t let others tell you otherwise. I admire you for that. Don’t let them hold you back from your dreams. Most of the greatest men and women I have studied about in school shared that same rare characteristic that you do. You are not scared to stand up for what you believe, even when it is something so radically different in the eyes of the masses. You are not afraid to push the envelope and work to make this country a better and more just place for people to live in. If we had more people who thought this way, I think we would be living in a much better world than we do today.

So what I say Dad, is do what your heart tells you to, and forget about the rest. In the end, it is what matters most. Personally, I would rather be proud and shout out for who I am, than desperately be trying to live a life for who I am not. And I feel like you would agree with this, and I hope that someday I will have as much courage as you do. There is so much wrong in the world and it is our obligations to humanity, as human beings, to work for a better place for everybody. You and I, we may just be a small dot on the map. We may not have the political power and money to make drastic changes. But what we do have is the power of numbers. More and more like-minded people are slowly coming together and bringing light to these issues. You have realized it, and I am glad that you are becoming more involved in these movements. So that one day, when these stupid laws and attitudes are changed, you can say to yourself you helped make this world a better place, and it all started because you listened to your heart, and simply accepted who you truly are.

I love you Dad, I hope you know nothing you have or ever will do will change that. And just know that I believe in you completely, you can do this, and you have my complete and utter support.

Your Son,
Ryan

To my son,

I have to say that after reading this letter I can see that you yourself will go very far in the future. I’m proud to be your parent and have a chance to get to know a wonderful person that you have come to be. I can only wish that who ever reads this will also see what I have known all your life. That you are a genuine, caring and compassionate human being.

Love Dad

P.S. OK, ok. We haven’t gotten to the point of using proper pronouns yet, lol. We have time

I was 52 years old before I first began to accept what I had always known: that I’ve always wanted to live my life as a woman, because that is who I am. That moment was one of revelation, but not one of surprise. It was a moment of calmness and gentle peace. It was a moment when I simply realized, “oh, yes, that is what I want.” A month later, I began taking estrogen and I’ve never looked back. Each step along the way, I tested whether I was on the right path for me by asking, “is this bringing me peace or anxiety, love or fear?” And each time, the answer was always the same: “this is right for me because this is who I am.” There were, of course, many moments when I felt scared. In those moments, I simply waited to see if the fear would pass. When it did, I continued forward. Because of that process, when I finally decided it was time to transition, I was ready. My confidence in my decision was unshakable. It is that confidence that has allowed me to live my life as a woman with a calmness and comfort with who I am that others see and that helps them to accept me as who I know myself to be.

When I transitioned, I feared those moments when people would learn that I am transgender. Much to my surprise, however, after transition, I have found that I am much more comfortable when people know about my history. My transition was part of a lifelong search for wholeness and integrity, so situations where fear leads me to believe that I need to deny or hide who I am tempt me to violate my sense of wholeness, of personal integrity. The pain of that violation is much more powerful than any fear of what people may think or how they might react. Consequently, I stay true to myself and am “out” in virtually all parts of my life.

Together, my comfort in who I am, and the pain I feel when any of us suffer because of the bigotry and hate of those who feel threatened by who we are have led me to be an advocate whenever and wherever I can. That takes many forms, from standing before the Scottsdale City Council arguing for the passage of ordinances banning discrimination on the basis of gender identity and expression to proudly becoming, as far as I know, the first attorney to ever appear before the Arizona Supreme Court as both a man and a woman (and in the same year!). But mostly it takes the form of simply being who I am, a woman of integrity and grace who lives in peace with herself, allowing others to see and learn about who I am and, in that process, to see that trans people are no threat to them and thus build tolerance and acceptance of who we are. Today I am proud to be transgender and grateful for each opportunity I get to show the world who I am and, hopefully, change the world one heart, and one mind, at a time.

Cross-posted from my personal blog.

Somehow I let this slip by (TD0R is Nov 20) despite the fact that I read some related posts from other bloggers. Given how much I’ve been thinking about this phenomenon (transgender or GID) this year, I wanted to acknowledge the day. This year I think that some people who are transgender have taught me one of the most important lessons I’ve ever learned. And it’s going to sound ridiculously simple in my head as I type it, but here goes: We don’t need to understand something to accept it.

I used to think some things were wrong, based on the fact that they didn’t fit the ‘natural order of things’. This attitude was also guided by religious belief and it was a narrow view. What I had failed to realise is that a certain percentage of anomalic difference IS natural. Though it manifests itself in a much more serious and life-altering way, transgender is no more unnatural than a birthmark, or a hereditary propensity to type 2 diabetes. Not only that, developmental anomalies are not harmful to others ~ they just exist.

There is one hugely important lesson I did learn from my church, and that is a unalienable respect for the truth. I can’t ignore the fact that the doctrines of the church, despite numerous references to the eternal nature of gender, offer nothing in the way of explanation for why some people are born with indeterminate physical gender and why others are born identifying with a gender that does not relate to their physical body. In spite of this lack of clarity in the doctrine, transgender people who choose to have gender-reassignment surgery cannot receive the priesthood (a male gender privilege) or receive a temple recommend (the temple endowment ceremonies are quite gender-specific). I find this…inadequate. It is not enough (and this applies to the church’s doctrine and policy on homosexuality, too) to say that you simply must deal with a ‘condition’ of your life that is totally irreconcilable with doctrine that is supposed to represent eternal truth. I don’t think you can call something truth when it denies reality.

This doesn’t only apply to religion. It’s just a general fact. No matter what you believe is truth, you have to measure it against what is real. And if it doesn’t measure up, you can’t base what you do on it. Most importantly, you can’t base how you treat other people on it. You can’t deny someone else’s reality, just because doing so makes you feel more safe in your explainable world. You can’t hurt someone just because you don’t understand them. Let me say that again. You can’t hurt someone just because you don’t understand them.

All hatred based on ignorance is upsetting, but I think the reason that I find hatred aimed at transgender men and women particularly disturbing is that after getting to know a few of these people, I feel like they are facing an internal struggle worthy of a lot of compassion on the part of other people. Many trans men and women reach out for understanding and receive hatred. I sometimes see the results of this in what they say and write. Some of them stop expecting to be treated well; they express surprise when people show them respect and kindness; they are rarely shocked (though deeply hurt and upset, of course) to hear about crimes committed against other transgender people and I think it’s fair to say that many have either been the victim of harsh prejudice, or expect to be when they transition, or both.

It is appropriate for the Transgender Day of Remembrance to talk about transgendered people, but the salient point is not that they are transgender, but that they are people. And if the sampling I’ve discovered is anything to go by, really cool and articulate and funny people. They’ve been really open to me, answered some questions, and generally dealt very kindly with my naivety on the subject of transgender. It makes me feel really scared and mad to know they may be treated badly for no better reason than that they don’t fit neatly into society’s pre-determined boxes.

I watched the video (featured in the post two below this one). It was an emotional thing to watch. I linked it at the end of the post on my blog. I hope that means a few more people got to see it.

The male/male couple were largely left alone. The conclusion many came to was that a guy can look after himself and that a domestic violence situation between them was basically a victimless crime. This was in spite of the fact that one man was significantly more burly and threatening than the other. No-one intervened.

The female/female couple was treated like a sideshow and many passersby found the angry and violent exchange (threats/pushing) funny.  The conclusion reached after the comments were analysed was that this reaction had something to do with lesbian couples being sexually objectified and therefore seen as less a real couple. It also may have had to do a with a perception that a woman would not really harm another woman (something that statistics show to be untrue). Again, no-one intervened.

The male/female couple attracted the most attention from passersby. This was the only scenario where someone (a NYC firefighter) stopped and clearly told the male that he had to stop what he was doing immediately. However, when a few police cars arrived on the scene it became clear that others had called 911 after seeing the exchange.

I’m curious to know the opinion of transgender people on this issue. You may have had the opportunity to see both sides of this scenario, particularly in terms of the expectations of other people on you, depending on whether you were presenting as male or female. Did (or do) you see a shift in how you are perceived in terms of your power and whether or not you need to be defended or aided? Did your expectation of assistance or support from others (particularly in situations of conflict) change when you transitioned?

This week has been an up and down week for me. It seems even with history being made in the election of a new President, which I thought would bring more hope to a lot of the nation (except for the ones who voted for McCain of course). It seems to have also started more divisiveness within the LGBT community (at least within the blogging world), which is sad. I’ve never really been the one to like to talk much about politics because it always brings out the worst in some people (which is another sad fact). I recently came across a few blogs on The Bilerico Project which seem to want to blame the blacks for losing to the Prop 8 proponents. Well, I myself will not go there. I’ve seen numbers that suggest that the blame is not on the black community itself, as many are suggesting. I’m sure that the proponents of Prop 8 are sitting around laughing at us as our community begins this infighting, which I’m sure they hope will tear us apart. I do not want that to happen as the right to marry should be for anyone of age.

Cindy Rizzo, a guest blogger, made what I thought were legitimate suggestions to get our rights back in California, Arizona and any other state that gets attacked by such crap. Here is my response to her blog and the comments she received:

Hi Cindy,
I’m a transsexual who recently found this blog. I’m also currently married to an Asian woman who has given me her support for my transition. This support did not come easy, but with time and a lot of discussion between us we have come a long way. You may say why is any of this relevant. She comes from a very strong Catholic background and without taking the time I did (almost 10 years, mind you, not every day) to educate her on my plight I don’t think I would have gotten her support. If I would have taken the route as some here are suggesting, “In your face, you will do what I say or else,” I’m sure I would not gotten anywhere with her. It seems some here want to force their view of the naysayers. How is that any better than what the political supporters of Prop 8 did and are doing? If we want to build more support for equal rights for all, then we need to better educate the public. It will be a hard fight, because the religious organizations do have a strong foothold in many of the communities that we need support from. Am I upset, YES I am. But to me, just sitting here blaming the Blacks, Latinos or any other group without even trying to have a intelligent dialog, I assure you will not get us anywhere. Education will be the key to our success and I believe Cindy has some valid points. We do have to strengthen our support with our allies and try to build up dialog between the ones that are opposed. If we can’t do at least that, I’m almost positive that we will not ever see any positive change for the future and it could even get worse by other states overturning the right to marry. I have a stake in this too as a transwoman; when I change the sex on my legal documents, they could have easily take away my right to stay married to my wife or any other woman. People, let’s join together and at least start taking a look at what didn’t work this time and correct those issues and do some proper education. Thank you all for your time.

I’ll take it even further. Sometimes people have to meet in the middle – now I didn’t see any of the ads supporting Prop 8 (I live in NY), but I’m sure not everything was true in their ads. What I mean by meeting in the middle is that we push for the right to marry, but not try and force a religious organization to do the ceremonies unless they support the right for the LGBT communities to marry who they like. There are other places to get married than a church, such as the courthouse, etc. The right to marry should be a fundamental right to all and not a select few, so I would not bend on that one, but I’m sure you see what I’m talking about.

Will we ever see the rights returned (especially after they seemed to be stolen from the people of California)?  I hope so. There are some blogs I’ve seen that suggest that they can be overturned because they are not constitutional. I really hope that they are overturned, because I really feel we have been burned by the religious right and many other organizations that supported Prop 8.

As I said in my reply to the original blog, I really feel that more education in the Black, Latino, Asian – hell in every community – is really needed. Things are better than they were 20 years ago, but they can get a lot better. If we continue to only attack the naysayers and not approach them with intelligence and dignity, what do you expect to get back? The same attacks and that will not get us anywhere. I hope we do have a better future with Obama for everyone.

Hugs, Michelle Lee

My question today is about sex drive and transition.  For those of you taking HRT, how does transition affect your sex drive?  I have to wonder if your existing sex drive before transition has very much to do with how it reacts to the change in hormone balance, from testosterone to estrogen for the MTFs, or from estrogen to testosterone for the FTMs .

My personal story starts with a fairly low sex drive from before I started HRT.  I wasn’t really too much into sex, although I did have my urges, just not nearly enough for my ex!     I don’t know, maybe my age and the depression were contributing factors to the lack of sex drive.  Anyway, after about 3 months or so on spiro, I really had a serious loss of sex drive, coupled with a lack of erectile function.  At this point, a year and three quarters into HRT, I have zero sex drive.   About 6-7 months ago, I noticed an increase in my sex drive and guessed that my T level was increasing.  A blood test showed that I was right, my level had gone back up to about 550 at that point and I had to change my dosage levels to bring it back down.  I’m guessing that the T level is back down because, as I said, I have zero sex drive at this point.   To be honest, I don’t miss it.  For me, it was distracting and uncontrollable.  I’m much more comfortable with myself now, although, if I was ever able to get GRS, I’d want to know what sex would feel like from the other perspective.

So, if you care to discuss it, what is your perspective on the subject of sex drive and transition?