Comments for TRANScend GENDER http://transcendgender.com A place where ideas TRANScend GENDER. Sat, 19 Jul 2008 15:55:28 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=MU Comment on “Ma’am” fallout by amberdarlene http://transcendgender.com/2008/07/11/maam-fallout/#comment-375 amberdarlene Sat, 12 Jul 2008 03:35:09 +0000 http://transcendgender.wordpress.com/?p=153#comment-375 Something I forgot to mention when I wrote this post last night, my mind was wandering between the various things I was trying to express and I forgot to mention this. My last service call yesterday was at a tavern. I got there about 2 PM and the bar opens at 4PM, but the owner was there and let me in. His daughter, who tends bar for her father, was their with her kids. The owner lives in a house behind the tavern, and she was visiting. Anyway, as I was working on one of the machines, one of the little kids, probably around 3 or so was watching me work, she finally came up to me and asked me " are you a boy or a girl?" with that cute little voice that little girls have. That was not an easy question for me to answer, but I had to tell her I'm a boy. I'm pretty sure the 3 other adults in the bar heard the question, it's a small place and she didn't whisper the question. Also, I was in as close to guy mode as I can get these days. I told myself I wasn't going to hide the changes as they happen, so certain things are starting to be a bit more obvious. You can't hide a lack of beard shadow, for instance. Of course, that's now got me thinking about just how I'm going to procede at work with transition. Most of our customers know me now, so it could get real interesting as I lose my "guy-ness". I'm going to have to be understated at work for a while as I develop and transition, but I'd be wearing the same clothes for work that I do now anyway, I'm not going to mess up good clothes at work. Getting ma'amed sure does open up a can of worms, doesn't it? Or "Sir"ed if you're going the other direction. Something I forgot to mention when I wrote this post last night, my mind was wandering between the various things I was trying to express and I forgot to mention this. My last service call yesterday was at a tavern. I got there about 2 PM and the bar opens at 4PM, but the owner was there and let me in. His daughter, who tends bar for her father, was their with her kids. The owner lives in a house behind the tavern, and she was visiting.
Anyway, as I was working on one of the machines, one of the little kids, probably around 3 or so was watching me work, she finally came up to me and asked me ” are you a boy or a girl?” with that cute little voice that little girls have.
That was not an easy question for me to answer, but I had to tell her I’m a boy. I’m pretty sure the 3 other adults in the bar heard the question, it’s a small place and she didn’t whisper the question. Also, I was in as close to guy mode as I can get these days. I told myself I wasn’t going to hide the changes as they happen, so certain things are starting to be a bit more obvious. You can’t hide a lack of beard shadow, for instance.
Of course, that’s now got me thinking about just how I’m going to procede at work with transition. Most of our customers know me now, so it could get real interesting as I lose my “guy-ness”. I’m going to have to be understated at work for a while as I develop and transition, but I’d be wearing the same clothes for work that I do now anyway, I’m not going to mess up good clothes at work.
Getting ma’amed sure does open up a can of worms, doesn’t it? Or “Sir”ed if you’re going the other direction.

]]> Comment on “Ma’am” fallout by Renee http://transcendgender.com/2008/07/11/maam-fallout/#comment-374 Renee Fri, 11 Jul 2008 16:41:55 +0000 http://transcendgender.wordpress.com/?p=153#comment-374 I live in an area where it's usually impossible to tell if someone is just being polite, or if I legitimately pass for them. My secret spies have determined that on at least a couple occasions, I have passed, but most of the time I figure it's the other way around. But I had convinced myself I *couldn't* pass before I ever set foot on this path. Maybe it was my inherent cynicism, maybe it was a way of mitigating disappointment, or maybe it was because I'm 6'6" (and not a skinny 6'6" at that)...whatever the reason, though, I don't regret it at all. Except maybe when it comes to bathrooms...that really is a frustrating issue. I live in an area where it’s usually impossible to tell if someone is just being polite, or if I legitimately pass for them. My secret spies have determined that on at least a couple occasions, I have passed, but most of the time I figure it’s the other way around.

But I had convinced myself I *couldn’t* pass before I ever set foot on this path. Maybe it was my inherent cynicism, maybe it was a way of mitigating disappointment, or maybe it was because I’m 6′6″ (and not a skinny 6′6″ at that)…whatever the reason, though, I don’t regret it at all.

Except maybe when it comes to bathrooms…that really is a frustrating issue.

]]> Comment on “Ma’am” fallout by Diana http://transcendgender.com/2008/07/11/maam-fallout/#comment-373 Diana Fri, 11 Jul 2008 15:09:04 +0000 http://transcendgender.wordpress.com/?p=153#comment-373 This month is my one-year anniversary for going full time, but I was just about full time except for work for about two year before I transitioned. The first time I got ma’am, was a couple of years ago, however some times it still throws me off, and it is hard to explain the feeling. Like the other day, I was at the deli counter waiting for my turn and I was lost in thought looking at the meats trying to decide what I want to buy this week. The clerk was saying, ma’am, ma’am and all of sudden I realized she was talking to me; it was like “Oh, yeah she’s talking to me.” This month is my one-year anniversary for going full time, but I was just about full time except for work for about two year before I transitioned. The first time I got ma’am, was a couple of years ago, however some times it still throws me off, and it is hard to explain the feeling. Like the other day, I was at the deli counter waiting for my turn and I was lost in thought looking at the meats trying to decide what I want to buy this week. The clerk was saying, ma’am, ma’am and all of sudden I realized she was talking to me; it was like “Oh, yeah she’s talking to me.”

]]> Comment on “Ma’am” fallout by loriannetucson http://transcendgender.com/2008/07/11/maam-fallout/#comment-372 loriannetucson Fri, 11 Jul 2008 14:27:49 +0000 http://transcendgender.wordpress.com/?p=153#comment-372 Well, I TRIED to post a comment on your 360 page, but you know how that goes. Anyway, I think that you are undoubtedly at the beginning of many more "Ma'ams," and at the end of guy mode. You'll feel creepy as hell going into men's restrooms, and you'll be stuck debating where to go just to pee. I found that whatever I'm going to present, I do my best to present as female or male specifically, and I tried to avoid being androgynous just because of the bathroom issue. However, passability has never been easier, and I suspect you won't have to do much to convince anyone about your gender. Another thought: gender cues come from so many factors. Voice, presentation, and behavioral patterns all give off a feminine or masculine cue. Good work. Hope to hear about more of these encounters. Well, I TRIED to post a comment on your 360 page, but you know how that goes.

Anyway, I think that you are undoubtedly at the beginning of many more “Ma’ams,” and at the end of guy mode. You’ll feel creepy as hell going into men’s restrooms, and you’ll be stuck debating where to go just to pee.

I found that whatever I’m going to present, I do my best to present as female or male specifically, and I tried to avoid being androgynous just because of the bathroom issue. However, passability has never been easier, and I suspect you won’t have to do much to convince anyone about your gender.

Another thought: gender cues come from so many factors. Voice, presentation, and behavioral patterns all give off a feminine or masculine cue. Good work. Hope to hear about more of these encounters.

]]> Comment on “Ma’am” fallout by Don Smith http://transcendgender.com/2008/07/11/maam-fallout/#comment-371 Don Smith Fri, 11 Jul 2008 10:37:23 +0000 http://transcendgender.wordpress.com/?p=153#comment-371 My daddy used to call it "a rude awakening." A point in life, where it just leaps up and smacks you between the ears, and you have to come with terms with it. I certainly did not like it when it happened to me. All my life I was a guy, a dude, hey man, and then one day, this lovely little shapely thing, picks up my sunglasses that I dropped and says to me .... "Sir? You dropped these." And I was of course devastated, I had reached the point of "Sir" and it just kind of snuck up on me. Nice post, you did well. Don Smith My daddy used to call it “a rude awakening.” A point in life, where it just leaps up and smacks you between the ears, and you have to come with terms with it.

I certainly did not like it when it happened to me. All my life I was a guy, a dude, hey man, and then one day, this lovely little shapely thing, picks up my sunglasses that I dropped and says to me …. “Sir? You dropped these.” And I was of course devastated, I had reached the point of “Sir” and it just kind of snuck up on me.

Nice post, you did well.

Don Smith

]]> Comment on The GLBT Community - Haters within the broken family. by Renee http://transcendgender.com/2008/07/04/the-glbt-community-haters-within-the-broken-family/#comment-365 Renee Thu, 10 Jul 2008 04:02:38 +0000 http://transcendgender.wordpress.com/?p=150#comment-365 Di, I completely agree with what you've just said. Homophobia germinates in the discomfort people feel from seeing gender norms broken. Well put. Di,

I completely agree with what you’ve just said. Homophobia germinates in the discomfort people feel from seeing gender norms broken. Well put.

]]> Comment on The GLBT Community - Haters within the broken family. by Renee http://transcendgender.com/2008/07/04/the-glbt-community-haters-within-the-broken-family/#comment-364 Renee Thu, 10 Jul 2008 04:00:47 +0000 http://transcendgender.wordpress.com/?p=150#comment-364 Anonymous, I don't necessarily disagree with your assertions about the so-called trans "community". You need to reconsider your approach to these conversations, however. Emotional, unsupported assertions coupled with an anonymous byline and vague references to "discretion" is insulting...and practically the definition of trolling. No more responses from me if those conditions persist. Anonymous,

I don’t necessarily disagree with your assertions about the so-called trans “community”. You need to reconsider your approach to these conversations, however. Emotional, unsupported assertions coupled with an anonymous byline and vague references to “discretion” is insulting…and practically the definition of trolling. No more responses from me if those conditions persist.

]]> Comment on The GLBT Community - Haters within the broken family. by Diana http://transcendgender.com/2008/07/04/the-glbt-community-haters-within-the-broken-family/#comment-363 Diana Wed, 09 Jul 2008 20:14:00 +0000 http://transcendgender.wordpress.com/?p=150#comment-363 We in the T community shouldn’t feel bad, after all the gay community does the same thing to themselves. Look at the GLA and GAA back in the seventies they only want the middle class white gays, none of the limp wrist, lisp talking gays… after all the organizations had an image to protect. You don’t think that is going on today. When you think of the HRC what image comes to mind? Question: Why was songwriter Tanya White thrown out of a Beverly Hills, California hotel bathroom? A: Because she was a lesbian B: Because she looked too masculine Question: Why were the women thrown out of the Caliente Cab Co. restaurant in NYC? A: Because they were a lesbian B: Because they looked too masculine Question: Why was an openly gay man who was employed at the MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas fired? A: Because he was gay B: Because he acted in too feminine If you answered “B” to all the questions, YOU WIN! They were not thrown out or fired because they were lesbian or gay, but because they didn’t look or act the way a typical man or woman looks or acts. What many in the gay and lesbian communities are just beginning to realize is that sexual orientation laws only protect the lipstick lesbians and to macho gays. Maybe the gay and lesbian communities have a more in common with the trans-community than they thought. What do you can a person who doesn’t look or act the way a typical man or woman looks or acts? Gender Variant or transgender. We in the T community shouldn’t feel bad, after all the gay community does the same thing to themselves. Look at the GLA and GAA back in the seventies they only want the middle class white gays, none of the limp wrist, lisp talking gays… after all the organizations had an image to protect. You don’t think that is going on today. When you think of the HRC what image comes to mind?

Question: Why was songwriter Tanya White thrown out of a Beverly Hills, California hotel bathroom?
A: Because she was a lesbian
B: Because she looked too masculine
Question: Why were the women thrown out of the Caliente Cab Co. restaurant in NYC?
A: Because they were a lesbian
B: Because they looked too masculine
Question: Why was an openly gay man who was employed at the MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas fired?
A: Because he was gay
B: Because he acted in too feminine
If you answered “B” to all the questions, YOU WIN! They were not thrown out or fired because they were lesbian or gay, but because they didn’t look or act the way a typical man or woman looks or acts.

What many in the gay and lesbian communities are just beginning to realize is that sexual orientation laws only protect the lipstick lesbians and to macho gays. Maybe the gay and lesbian communities have a more in common with the trans-community than they thought. What do you can a person who doesn’t look or act the way a typical man or woman looks or acts? Gender Variant or transgender.

]]> Comment on The GLBT Community - Haters within the broken family. by amberdarlene http://transcendgender.com/2008/07/04/the-glbt-community-haters-within-the-broken-family/#comment-362 amberdarlene Wed, 09 Jul 2008 07:16:53 +0000 http://transcendgender.wordpress.com/?p=150#comment-362 Anonymous, I think you do have some good, valid points here that should be discussed. Expressing your opinion is part of the process. Having different opinions on the subject is what brings ideas into the discussion. Obviously, we all have our own opinion on this, that doesn't make anyone else's opinion wrong. The question "how cohesive a group is the "T" community" is actually a really good question! What do we, as a group, want? Are all the different parts of the group somewhere on the same page, or do we have a lot of work to do in that area? I don't have the answers, but I think they can be worked out. Anonymous, I think you do have some good, valid points here that should be discussed. Expressing your opinion is part of the process. Having different opinions on the subject is what brings ideas into the discussion. Obviously, we all have our own opinion on this, that doesn’t make anyone else’s opinion wrong.
The question “how cohesive a group is the “T” community” is actually a really good question! What do we, as a group, want? Are all the different parts of the group somewhere on the same page, or do we have a lot of work to do in that area?
I don’t have the answers, but I think they can be worked out.

]]> Comment on The GLBT Community - Haters within the broken family. by anonymous http://transcendgender.com/2008/07/04/the-glbt-community-haters-within-the-broken-family/#comment-361 anonymous Wed, 09 Jul 2008 04:14:11 +0000 http://transcendgender.wordpress.com/?p=150#comment-361 You know, I think I should have just kept my mouth shut. Fingers. whatever. You know, I think I should have just kept my mouth shut. Fingers. whatever.

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