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Ma’am or sir?

Getting “ma’am”ed or “sir”ed can really make a difference in the mood of a day of a trans person!  Yesterday, I went to a service call to replace light bulbs on a juke box and as I was opening my tool box to get my work keys, the cute young (female) bartender came around the bar and said to me, “hey juke box guy,….”  Ouch!  I wasn’t presenting as female at the time (still working on that issue, I present as close to it as I can without augmentation or makeup) but it still bugged the crap out of me!  What an ego killer!

Now today, I went to a campground that we provide games to, to work on the plush animal crane.  There was a group of girls there, and a boy, all about 8-13 years old, that age group.  Anyway, as I was working on the crane, the kids were watching me, and I kept hearing “she” in relation to what I was doing.  Now, that was really weird!   Again, I wasn’t presenting as female in particular, but I wear a ball cap to cover my receding hairline, I have no visible beard shadow, and I have dark red hair now, to match my wig.   Also, I try to practice my voice in public to get used to the sound of it in my own ears.   My mini-boobs may have been showing a bit also.   I guess, for them, it added up to female.   I was interacting with them, I even traded them a couple animals that they had won for other animals that they wanted from inside the crane.   All the while, when the kids talked to each other, it was always “she” this or “she” that.  I left there feeling kinda weird, it’s the first time that’s happened to me.  It was nice, but really weird!  And, of course, it really pushed up my desire to properly look the part!  I think it’s going to be harder to be patient as I work my way toward full time at work.

Has anyone else run into these kinds of situations in public?

2 Responses

  1. Amber, I remember those times well. I would go one place where the people knew me in “guy mode” and be addressed as “sir”, and then go to the next place where no one knew me and be “ma’amed.” It was at that point that I understood that people see what they expect to see, so those who didn’t necessarily expect to see a guy didn’t look for those masculine things to confirm their memories. Instead, they saw the woman I am. That’s when I knew that I was ready to transition to full time.

    Take your time. You’ll know when the time is right for you.


  2. Yep, what you’re describing is pretty much par for the course.

    And like Abby says, taking your time now isn’t a bad thing. What you’re going through right now is an important part of transition. Getting sir’d toughens up your hide and getting maam’d builds confidence. When you have enough of both, going fulltime should be a breeze.

    Well, maybe not a breeze, but not a gale force hurricane either.

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