iPhone: It Brought Out The Muse, & Me

I like to stare out windows for hours at a time – I always have ever since I was a young child.

Here at my door is where I find inspiration looking at the same things I have many times before. The scene never fails to inspire me as it first did when I looked out, many years ago.

I use to muse for hours in the mirror at night too – trying to see the reflection of “something”. I never understood this and other day dream fascinations.

After many years, I finally understand what I have been looking for…

… a way home.

Yesterday when I took the photo above with my iPhone, I was thinking back to when I use to stand here at this door, and wish that I were a girl – Now, I am.

As of May 21st 2008, I became a fully Post-Operative, fully functional “woman” when I completed my Genital Reassignment Surgery with Dr. Suporn in Chonburi Thailand.

That’s right, I am a Transsexual. I was also born with a Chromosomal variation condition called Klinefelter’s Syndrome or (KS), aka: 47 XXY male.

There are many variations of Klinefelter’s Syndrome.
My KS variant is: “47 XXY Mosaic.

My Room – 2 Months Post-Op

On the surface, this picture may not be special, but it really speaks a lot about where I am at right now, being 2 Months Post-op from FFS (Facial Feminization Surgery) that I under went from Dr. Suporn in Chonburi Thailand.

Here, I sit at my PC at night – Blogging, chatting or emailing online to friends, etc… anything to pass the time. It gets hard to sleep some nights. There is a lot of tightness in the scalp and temples. My head really itches everywhere, especially where they grafted in new hair (See photo notes).

This is my room – at least the clean part I am going to let any of you see right now. {giggles}

(Photo Above) Behind me is a long cork board filled with mementos from friends and people touched by my efforts from PinkEssence and my Blogs online. Thanks everyone who took the time – you’ve touched my life too. *sigh*
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Loss of Signal

Have you ever cast a bottle with a note into the sea; a note to a helium balloon and let it go or driven down the high way with your headlights turned off at night?

What makes us do these things? Testing of faith? I have done these and many other things before… and I have always come back to this reason – that it was a way for me to detach myself, even if for a moment from who and what and where I was… to escape or send off my thoughts into another place, because there was simply no more room for them to remain in my brain alone.

LOS or Loss of Signal is a very common occurrence in the space program. It occurs when the capsule (shuttle) cannot receive radio communication from ground control. In a sense, there is a black out period from communications.

I believe that my journey is at the equinox of this moment of Loss of Signal… a point where all the preparation and training and planning MUST now serve me well, for where I go from here forth, I must do so with out a safety net of ground control.
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Know Your Role

Know Your RoleEach and every person has their role to play, be it father, mother, wife, husband… etc. My roles have been father, son and husband… friend and even boyfriend to others. I remain a strong person, committed to my responsibilities, but does or can my role change with my transition? Can I be a mother, while upholding my fatherly responsibilities? Can I be a fulfilling husband as a TransWoman to my wife? Can I still fulfill to my parents the aspirations they had for me as their son?

I won’t make a cop-out statement that “I am who I am” or “I’m the same person I always was”, because, quite honestly, I’m not -AND- if you would have asked me this even a year ago, I would have not agreed with what I just said.
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