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A Lesson in Trans Etiquette

OK all you little boys out there. Here is your chance to better yourself. I am going to make this quick and simple and attempt not to offend anyone too badly.  Based on a true and very recent event.

If a woman walks into the room, be it a business or otherwise and you read her as TG/TS. Be polite and treat her as any other genetic woman. If you want to start a conversion with her, the first words out of you mouth had better not be “do you hang out at [a known ‘and nasty Tranny’ Bar]”. The woman is likely to take a great deal of offense at that as I DID. However being the polite and caring woman that I am, I chose not to get all pissed about it.

So why would I be offended by that question? . . . I am going to tell you.

It is about the same as someone walking up to a suspected gay man and asking him if he is a FAGGOT. Just because I am a TS is not an automatic ticket for me to hang out in “certain places”. I am NOT a “Tranny” and I DONT hang out at “Tranny” bars. I cannot say anything nice about the place I was asked about, so I won’t

I know I am a big woman and I know I get read. But do not rub it in my face by asking me or any other TS person that question or one like it if you do not know them or anything about them. And heaven help you if it is your conversation starter. I guarantee it to be a short conversation and I WON’T buy anything in your store.

Just because I or any other person is a transsexual (M2F or F2M) does not give you the right to call us out, especially in public. Treat me like women please and treat us with respect. And we will return that in kind.

6 Responses

  1. I struggle with this in my day-to-day life too. Not so much people asking me about gay bars or tranny bars – I haven’t run into anyone quite so blatantly rude yet – but definitely in quieter, more subtle ways. After about a month on the job, some of the team members I work around are getting comfortable enough to express their curiosity. And they’ve started asking questions. The big one right now is, “When did you know?”. And there’s a moment there where I have to decide if I’m going to divulge my personal life’s story in the interest of education, or beg off the whole conversation simply because I don’t want to acknowledge my history as a man to near-complete strangers. To date, I’ve sided in favor of education, but the questions I’m being asked are fairly innocuous and as far as I can tell, genuine. If someone I didn’t know asked me about my genitals, or my sex life, or even pre-supposed that I must have an outrageous social life of some sort, I’d be deeply offended. And if my answering these peoples’ questions I somehow discover I’m compromising my own female identity in their eyes, I’ll probably stop being so affable.

    BTW Nikki, the podcast interviews you and Breanna did for Jadzia were fantastic. If you’re reading this and you haven’t heard them, you should track them down.

  2. Addendum: Obviously Nikki’s heard them. I mean all the rest of you that might be reading this. 🙂

  3. Thanks Renee. I really enjoyed doing the podcasts with Lorie and Breanne. I hope we can do many more. I posted this same blog on another site too. A predominantly young gay site maintained by a cool place I DO hang out. I got some really sweet responses from a couple people. Mostly they are dumbfounded how someone could be so blatantly rude. The sad thing this shop clerk probably did not know any better out of ignorance.

    We still have SOOOO very far to go in changing people’s “Jerry Springer” perceptions. Education is a continuous battle. If only people could be more polite and thoughtful. Many people just don”t have a clue. And don’t think before they open their mouths. I just wish people would give the benefit of the doubt that we are all mostly very normal people with normal lives. A great many of us “hang” out where ever we feel like it. And those places are as mundane and common as Starbucks and the Mall. Just like everyone else does.

  4. Some people are just soo clueless sometimes!

  5. Hi Nikki, I agree with everything you said. At my job someone broke my confidence and started a rummer saying that I wanted to be a transvestite. I have nothing against my sisters, but I’m not a transvestite. I am transsexual. Does this make a bad person? I don’t think so. Just like anyone one else, I’m just trying to be myself and make through life.
    Keep it up girl, I’m happy for how things are going for you now. I hope they continue. Hugs Michelle

  6. Hi Nikki, hi everyone,

    I have this problem constantly, living as I do in an area which is very transphobic, Tyneside, an area of the North East of England.

    I cannot say the names that I am called, but I have been beaten up, threatened on numerous occasions, abused almost every day, I have been bottled, bricked, stoned, cans thrown at me also and had a death threat, also my home has been targetted 7 times, most recenty on monday night.

    I try informing and educating people, but it falls on deaf ears.

    I cannot get work as a result of the transphobia that exists, I did what the government suggested and had 2 years retraining in admin and IT skills, but to no avail.

    I would love to have FFS, then move somewhere new to start over somewhere else, but I know I’ll never have it, so I feel there will be no end to this for me.


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