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Good news, bad news, the same news?

The intrepid reader may recall that in my last post here, I was talking about the resurgence of my sex drive to some extent.  Well I may have found out why this is happening, although I find it hard to believe myself.

Tuesday, the 20th, I had an appointment with my Endocronologist at the Milwaukee V.A. hospital.  Of course, they did the usual blood tests, I finally got them to do an estradiol test along with the T test and liver and kidney function tests.  I got my test results back on Friday, and, either they tested the wrong blood, or something is really messed up with my testie function.  The T test came back in the mid 500s, I think it was 548 or something like that, the range being 250 to 1000 for a normal male.  The estradiol test came back at 38, below the normal level for post-menapause.  If these numbers are correct, it explains my sex drive, but it also means that my body has developed a resistance to spiro.  I’ve been taking 100 mg daily for over a year now and my last T test last fall showed me at 111.  Also, I’ve been on the Vivelle Dot patch, the .1 size, the largest they make, for more than 6 months, and 2 mg of Estrofem for at least 6 months before that.  So, why is my estradiol level that low and my T level that high?  Do I need to get them removed to solve this problem?  A better question would be, can I get this done through the V.A. health system?   After all, I’ve only thought about having them removed for, oh, about 20 years now.  It just costs so much for basic things like this!  Ugg!

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Some thoughts on controversial Transgender theories

With all the talk lately about the people selected to revise the TG section of the DSM-4, I thought I throw my thoughts into the mix also.

Part of the controversial theory proposed by Dr. Ray Blanchard is dividing the trans community by sexual orientation (“homosexual transsexuals” vs. “autogynephilic”). Just the basic concept of dividing the the trans community by sexual orientation seems to be missing the entire point of the trans experience, it’s not about sex, it’s about gender. Gender identity and sexual orientation are two different things entirely.

I believe that there are trans people who could fit into the catagory of “homosexual transsexual”, but that’s only one part of the trans experience and certainly is not an inclusive description of a large part of the community. I also believe that there’s people who fit into the “autogynephilic” catagory, but I don’t think this description fits people who choose to fully transition, or even those who are forced to be, or choose to be “non-op” due to various circumstances. I think autogynephilia would be more appropriate to describe fetish cross-dressers, this is, after all, a sexual description, and not a gender identity model.

It’s my belief that, much like Freud, these “Doctors” can’t seem to separate sex drive from non sexual issues. Being sexually driven males of the species makes it difficult for them to remove sexual background from non sexual logic.

I’ve often wondered if “autogynephilia” is a description that applies to my experience – my gender issues have, in the past, had a strong sexual component to them. My question concerning this is, if my desire to transition is sexually motivated by autogynephilia, then why do I still have so much conviction about continuing my transition when the spiro has removed my sex drive and my ability to get and keep a strong erection. I’m impotent and totally uninterested in sex and sexual relations, and yet, I’m more convinced than ever that I’m doing the right thing for myself. The doubts and fears that I have about transition are about my ability to successfully blend into the general female population. “Passing” is important to me, but not for the purpose of a relationship, I just want to be accepted as a female person. (There’s an entire blog that could be written about the desire to be accepted.)

There’s so much more about being cross-gendered than any sexual issues, but some people, even health professionals, just can’t see past their own sexual biases. There are way too many successful transitions for this to be about sex. However, I have to ask the question, if transition was sexually motivated, is that a problem? If it results in a healthy, happy person who can live a fulfilling life for themself, does it matter what the motivation is? The desired result of any psychological therapy is a well adjusted person who can live a satisfying and fulfilling life, and transition is the only thing that has been proven to solve the issues faced by strongly transgendered people. No other therapy has been shown to be effective.

Personally, for me, no matter what else happens in my life, I don’t intend to ever go back to the testosterone driven life that I suffered with in the past. I’m hoping to make that permanent in the not too distant future, hopefully sometime this year, with a medical procedure known as orchiectomy. Another large stepping stone on the journey.